so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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