Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
