i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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