my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
