how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
