I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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