all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
