I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
