if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
