There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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