I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
oh god the rape fog is back!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
