I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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