I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
