Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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