I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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