Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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