i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
