I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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