The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
