Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
