Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
