just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
