Fine. I'll sleep in my office
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
