guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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