I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
