Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
