dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
