What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
