Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
