The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
