Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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