You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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