new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
