Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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