is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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