I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
