He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
