So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
