i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
