Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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