we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
