I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
