If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
