there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
