He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
