i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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