I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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