Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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