discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it was like having sex with a tree stump
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
