So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
