dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
