I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
