you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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