I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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