recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
