So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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